my beginning, end and ever after – gappu

I call him love of my life, the reason of my smile because he brings me to life. my love story is incomplete because at the end we were not able to understand what actually happened with both of us. so my story started when i wan in 12th standard. he was my boyfriend’s best friend and we used to talk about my boyfriend a lot because he was cheating on me from the starting of my relation. he was dating so many girls at one time and also he was not interested in me so i was complaining to his best friend that he is doing such thing but his friend was taking side of him. one day i came from my school, tab mere pass phone nhi hua krta hai, main mummy ke phone se hi FACEBOOK use kiya krti thi, maine uske best friend se baat ki aur use btaya that he is doing some shameless things which i can’t tolerate. lekin mere boyfriend ne use pehle hi bta diya tha ki main ek dm bachi jesi hu, he is not intrested in me and also he thinks that i am a marriage material so he will marry be after 6-8 years, but now he wants to enjoy his life. uske best friend ne mujhe ye baat nhi btayi thi, lekin usne decide kiya ki hm dono mil kar ab use jlayenge, so on 19 feb 2015 the day has changed my life. he proposed me casually , i said yes and we called my boyfriend that now

 

i don’t want to be with you and he was start crying and begging me that i will think about you, you are my everything but he didn’t mean any of his words. so dhere dhere h hmare landline par baat karne lge, aur tabhi ek mhine baad humne milna ka plan bnaya. tabhi mein meditation karne khi jati thi, so we decided to meet there. main apni friend ke sath gyi thi, he called me like where are you now, i said this this place, usne mujhy bhut phone lgaye, na jane kon kon se gaav main ghum liya lekin use main nhi mili, at the end wo mere samne se bike par nikal kar gya, i said is it you on a white bike, he said yeah. omg jab meine use dekha tha, main whi pagal ho gyi thi, main 5’6, with 45 kg, that guy was 5’10 with 90 kg. i was like shit , he was looking so good.so there we met, for a 20 minutes fir hm dono  hi apne ghar chle gye. i still know that color he ws earing that day ,

 

with whom he came. uske baad bhi hm 1-2 mile lekin 30 min ke liye wo bhi mere meditation centre ke bahr. usi ke kuch time baad mujhe mere medical entrance exam ki preparation ke liye kisi dusri city main jana tha toh hm nhi mile, aur tab main uske liye kuch feel nhi karti thi, becuse meri feeling mere usi ex boyfriend ke liye hi thi, ki kbhi toh wo wapas chal kar aayega lekin wo kisi aur ladki ke liye loyal ho gya tha baaki sari ladkiyo ko chor ko. tab tak bhi main uski kisi baat ko seriosuly nhi leti thi, uske baad kisi wajah se meri tabiyat khrab ho gyi or mujhy coaching chor kar waps aana pda, bhut mhine bimar rehne ke baad hum fir november main mile, kisi chai ki thadi par, we toh main esi jagah par kbhi baithi nhi thi, lekin uske sath bhut jyada acha feel kar rhi thi. main bhut shy thi uske sath isliye usse eye contact nhi krti thi, na hi uske paas baithti thi, even main hmare 5 saal ke relationship main aaj tak uske sath baith ke kuch khaya bhi nhi tha because mujhe ajeeb lagta tha, toh jab hum thadi par mile toh usne mujhe chair ke sath hi pura utha kar uske pass bitha liya, and i was like shit kesa ldka hai, meri behn ko wo pura gunda lagta tha lekin mein toh interested hi nhi thi usme toh maine kabhi use seriosuly liya hi nhi tha. ek din jab mere ex boyfriend ko maine msg kiya or bhut bdi ldai ho gyi thi toh uss din usne mujhy call par kuch aisi baatein khi ki usne sab kuch change kar diya. kha main mere ex boyfriend ke sapne dekh rhi thi, suddenly sab change ho gya.

 

usne kha ki dekh tujhe jesa banda chihye tha mera friend ek dm wesa hi hai, tujhe baaki aur koi nhi jhel skta, tu uske sath jyada khush rhegi, meri life main ungli mat kar tu. tab mujhe sun kar lga ki haan sayd main uske friend ke sath kuch galat kar rhi hu because wo banda mujhe sach main pyar karta hai.uske baad se meine uski har choti cheejo par dyaan dena start kiya. use aur janne ki koshish ki. hm hmari pehli movie dekhne gye the 13 fev 2016 ‘sanam re’ tab bhi main movie main so rhi thi, and uss din pehli baar usne mera hath hold kiya tha, i cant even explain my feeling but i got goosebumps. uske baad humne todha jyada milna start kiya but uss bande ne mujhe kabhi galat touch nhi kiya na hi mere bina permission ke mere sath kuch galat kiya. uski best adat ye thi ki wo mujhe kabhi force nhi karta tha kisi cheej ke liye or na hi kisi bhi baat par restriction the. wo mere ghar se 3 hour khi door rehta tha lekin sirf mere liye wo meri city main reh rha tha and even hmari city se hi engineering bhi kar rha tha lekin baad main usne wo chor di because uska pdai main mann nhi lga. and one the stupid and cutest thing he ever done for me was he wrote my name on his clg banch when he was giving his exam. wo baar roya, mujhe mnaya, khud ke ohine tode, sim change ki, bhut door se mujhe mnane aata, sabse sirf meri baat karta, yih sari adate uski mujhe usi taraf attract kar rhi thi. because wo baaki ladko se ek dm alg tha, usne kabhi mera phone check nhi kiya tha, wo mujhe physcial hone ke liye force nhi karta tha, na hi koi force, restriction.

jab wo mujhe uski choti choti ankho se dekhta tha na toh sirf mujhe pyar dikhayi deta tha. usse milne se pehle toh mujhe kuch aata hi nhi tha, na hi logo se baat  karna aur na hi khul kar hasna, lekin usne mujhe introvert se extrovert main change kar diya. usne meri zindagi ko mayne de diye, khush rehne ke, life main kuch bda krne ke liye. sab kuch sahi chal rha tha. beech beech main hota tha ki uske parents ne uski sgai kar di lekin wo har baar todd deta tha. hmara esa decide nhi tha ki hm shadi krenge lekin wo uss time sirf mere sath rehna chahta tha. usne mujhe wo sari khushi di hai jo ek ldki ek ldke se expect karti hai. lekin sab kuch kha ese hi shi chl skta tha. hmare relationship ke 3 saal baad hi mera abroad pdai karna decide hua. maine usse kayi baar pucha ki tum chahte ho ki kya main bahr jakr pdhu,usne mujhe ek hi baat khi ki main tumhe kabhi nhi rokk skta life main aage badne se..tumhara doctor bnna tumhara bachp-an ka sapna hai or main koi nhi hota usse tmhe rokne wala. tum jao aur khub pdho ,

 

i will wait for you lekin mujhe pta hai ki tum wha jakr change ho jaogi. usi beech usne mujhe bhut ignore kiya because wo express nhi karna chahta tha ki wo kya feel kar rha hai, wo aur jyada daaru peene lga, mujhse km baat kanre lga,bhut baar milne ke baad bhi usne mujh se kabhi uss baare main baat nhi ki, har baar wo ek hi baat kehta ki abhi toh bhut sara time hai na, aur ek din wo time aa hi gya jab mujhe jana tha. sch btau toh main khud hi bhul gyi tih, maine packing tk nhi ki thi, mujhe airf uske sath time spend krna tha, humne acha time spend kiya uske baad usne mujhe ghar ke pass chor diya. lekin usi ke 20 min baad phir uska call aata hai ki mujhe fir se milna hai. hum dono ke relationship main main uske samne kabhi nhi royi thi , lekin wo kabhi kbhi sch m tutt jata tha, uss din wo mujhe laut kar rose dene aaya tha, jo aaj tak bhi mere pass hai. wha se nikal kar kuch din tak maine ye feel kiya ki wo mujhe ignore maar rha hai aur wo mujhse shi se baat nhi kar rha. tbhi hmari bhut baar ldai hui, kayi baar break up hue.. isi beech mujhe mera hi classmate mila. uska basically mere uper

crush tha, lekin mere liye wo kuch nhi tha, hm just phone pr baat krte, notes share krte and that guy used to share everything to me. kbhi hume pta hi nhi chlta ki raat se subh kab ho jati thi. lekin uss beech kabhi mere boyfriend ka call nhi aaya mere pass. wo nashe main hi rehta tha.jab mujhe ek dm feel ho gya ki uske liye main matter nhi karti tabhi uss classmate ne mujhe sabhi ke samne propose kar diya. maine use mna nhi kiya lekin ha bhi nhi ki. maine kha ki i have a boyfriend as you already know so i can’t think about you. lekin isi beech mere boyfriend ne mujhe bhut dakr side show kiya uska to i decided to breakup with him and that time i called him ki mujhy relationship continue nhi karna aur ye ek banda hai mujhe pasand karta hai, i hope tm mujhe smjhoge. toh usne kha well done you go with him. mujhe pehle se pta tha ki tm badal jaogi, lekin use ye nhi dikhayi diya ki chnge wo hua tha na ki main. mere classmate ke sath meri baatein aur badhne lgi, lekin hm relationship main nhi aaye, isi beech hm instagram par apni pictures upload krte the toh kisi mutual frnd ne use wo pictures dikha di toh wo aur jyada pagal ho gya. fir ese hi ek din june 2019 main mera india jana decide hua. uh won’t blv ye kisi ko nhi pta tha ki im in india but still he msged me, like how are uh , where are uh , i said main india m hu isiye tumne mujhe msg kiya, toh wo aur pagal ho gya, uss raat ko wo kasol main tha , hand to hand wo apni gaadi bhga kaer laaya aur subh meri frn ke sath mujhe laane ka plan bnaya. meri friend ne mujhe pagal bna kar usse milwaya.

 

seriously i can’t describe how was the day when i felt that he loves me so much. but still distance ki wajah se sb khrab ho gya. mujhe car main bitha diya aur usne wo sabhi song chlaye jo uss situation pr shi baithte the, usne mujhe feel krwaya ki main kha galat thi, or wo mujhy itne pyar se dekh rha tha ki m pighal toh gyi lekin maine show bhi nhi kiya.. tabhi hm ek ghat par jakr baithe, wha hm baat kar rhe the apni life ke baare main , usne mujhse kha ki tumne mera ghmanad todd diya yr, tum toh sirf meri thi na, toh tumne kisi aur ke sath jane ka socha bhi kesa, and he sarted crying, tabhi use rota dekh mujhe life main first time rona aya tha, lekin wo sab bhi ignore karne ke liye mujhse kha ki wha dekho wo paani main kaboortar hai na, or chupke se anshu poch liye.

 

ghar wapas jate waqt usne mera poora picha kiya, jor jor se chila chila kar apni khushi jtaa rha tha, pagalo jese naach rha tha, aur use dekh kar main fir sab bhul gyi. hm bhut baar mile, aur 28 din baad meri flight thi, he decided ki tmhe main hi chorne jaunga. papa ne toh mujhe or meri frn ko bitha diya tha bus main lekin usne bus beech main hi rukwa kar hume car main bitha liya. tabhi hm instagram par live aaye, or mere clg frn ne wo live dekh li, usi main wo ladka bhi add tha. ab use esa lga ki main use cheat kar rhi hu or mere classmates bhi yhi sab keh rhe the ki ye toh tera kaat rhi hai, jab ki reality ye nhi thi. jab hm date kar hi nhi rhe the toh kese bhla koi mujhy glt bol skta tha. usi beech usne jitne bhi promise mujhy krke wps aborad bheja tha wo phir se unn baato se mukar gya, fir se hmara break up ho gya. hm fir se alg ho gye or wo mera classmate mere jyada close ho gya.  whi baatein krte krte 3 mhine nikal gye, or isi beech meri usse ldai ho gyi toh hmne baat krna bnd kr di …

mere pass october 30 ko ek call aata hai india se , or wo usi ka tha. usne mujhe wish kiya or fir hmne todhi bhut baat ki. maine use btaya ki wo classmate se meri ab baat nhi hoti , because usne mere baare main kuch glt bola tha. tab tk wo normal hi tha lekin 3 din baad usne mujhe btaya ki uske ghar walo ne ek ldki pasand ki hai uske liye, or wo todhe din main sgai ke liye ja re hai. mujhe yhi lga ki har baar ki tarah wo mna kar dega ya kuch esa ho jayega ki nhi hogi , lekin dhere dhere sab change ho gya, uski sgai uss ldki se ho gyi, wo mje ki baat ye thi ki usne uss ldki ki shkl tk nhi dekhi thi, na hi usse baat ki..

baad main us ldki ka call use aane lga, wo use ignore tha lekin mujhse sirf usi ki bt krta ki wo use psnd nhi hai , wo uske aath kese rhega, lekin main bhi kya kehti , main chup thi, mujhe rona bhi nhi aaya or na hi bura lga because hm dono hi bindas rehte the..

usne uski shadi kisari shopping mere hisab se ki, uski sherwani tak main konsa button lgega wo tak meri pasand ka tha, uske ghr main konse color ka paint hoga wo tak bhi meine decide kiya. aise hi karte krte feb aa gya. aur wo apni hi shadi se 4 din pehle meri city main aakr chup gya ki mujhe nhi krni shdi
uske chote bhai ka call aaya mere pass ki aap kese bhi smjhao use, lekin use yha aane ke liye kho kyuki wo apke alawa or kisi ki baat nhi maanega. maine use bhu smjhaya , finally wo maan gya, or usne fir mujhe call krna band kar diya.. 25 feb 2020 uski shadi ka din, mujhy uss din bura nhi lg rha tha lekin mere sare frnds mujhe feel krwa rhe the ki wo ab kisi or ka hone ja rha hai, toh main bhi uske liye lehnga pehn kar full tyar hui, use video call kiya and then use dihkaya. he was very happy, he asked me how im looking, i said ek dm saste dulhe lg rhe ho tm…hahahaha hm dono ek dusre se ese hi baat krte the.

shadi tak theek tha lekin shadi ke teesre din wo uske sath dance krte hue video daal rha tha instagram par, tab main puri tutt gyi, mujhe nhi smjh aaya ki main kya kru because last promise maine usse yhi liya tha ki tum uske sath ek bhi wo cheej nhi kroge jo hm dono ne sath m reh kar ki hai, lekin wo palat gya. maine hmari sari pictures delete kar di , use bhulne ka khub try kiya, bhut logo se baat ki but i failed. jo insan uske sath 5 saal sath reh kar kbhi nhi royi thi, wo ab har roj roti hai, main isliye nhi roti ki mujhe wo chihye, ya wo ab kisi or ke sath rehta hai, rona mujhe isliye ata hai kyu main usse better ladka nhi dekh paa rhi, kyu hm pehle jese baat nhi kar paa rhi, kyu mere sare haq mujhse cheen liye, kyu kuch bhi pehle jese nhi ho skta. hm dono ki laaparwahi ne sb kuch khrb kr diya, aaj na wo khush hai, or na hi main, lekin ghar walo ki izzajt or hmari miscommunication ki wjh se hmne sb khrb kr diya.

wo mujhe aaj bhi msg krta hai ki i miss uh, mujhse nhi ho paa rha, mera mann nhi lgta ghar par, lekin mere pass koi jwaab nhi hota..

uski shadi ke baad toh maine sari pictures bhi delete kar di thi, l
ekin bhut mushil se hmari kuch pictures mujhe google phots pr mil payi..
uski kami toh koi puri nhi kar skta, lekin main khush hu use dekh kar.

itna pyar ke baad bhi agar wo meri kismat main nhi tha toh sayd kuch bhgwan ki hi shajis hogi, lekin usne meri zindgi ko hasi, khushi, se sazaya hai.

use dekh kar aaj bhi whi sukoon milta hai, use aaj bhi fake id se follow krti hu, uske live aane par last tk sirf use hi dekhti hu, uske car main chlaye hue songs ko download kakre aaj bhi repeat pr sunti hu, uski life ki hr problem ko yhi se sort out krne ka pura try krti hu, aaj bhi koi puchta hai ki will uh be my gf toh wo im in love with my ex wali line sabhi ko kehti hu.
isqh sacha whi , jisko milti nhi mazile bs yhi soch kar chup ho jati hu, lekin im feeling very happy ki wo khush hai , you know use baby bhi hone wala hai.
meri uski wife se bhi bt hoti hai , wo bhi kbhi kbhi uski id se mujhe msg kr deta hai ki so jao , itni derr tk mt jago, dark circle kitne ho gye hai tumhe
wo aj bhi uske wallet main meri photo rkhta hai, aaj bhi meri har photos ko dyaan se dekh kar uska screenshot leta hai, jis din mujjse bt ho jaye uss din apne ghr nhi jata, ajeeb hai na..

kbhi kbhi toh pta hi nhi chlta ki uski shadi ho gyi hai , ab wo kisi or ka hai, because jab bhi hm bt krte hai hm usi feelings ke sath ek dusre ko time dete hai. lekin ab wo mera nhi hai, ab wo mera naam sabke samne nhi leta, ab wo mujhse milne nhi aa skta bs yhi sb baatein hai jo mere dil ko dukhi kar deti hai…

 

i miss uh
but i dont have the right to miss uh
there is a part of uh
that felt like home and
i cannot find it in anyone new..
i really love uh , your gappu loves uh a lot, and also i really want to meet you, talk to uh like before but i know it’s not possible but all i want is your happiness. be happy..
i love uh a lot

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