meri pehli khoj aur aakhri talash tum hi ho…… – zainab

m ek simple ladki hu mai jab choti thi tabhi meri mom ne meri shadi meri mausi ke ladke se kra di thi pr mujhe usse loveni tha….wo jb bhi mere ghr aata tha ya mujhse bat krta tha to rulata zaroor tha aur kbhi bhi wo mere dukh me mere sath ni rehta na meri feelings ko smjhta…..m jb 2nd class me thi tbse lekr 8th class tk wo mere sath tha pr m kbhi khush ni rhi….phir last year hmari kuch family problems aur apne nanihal se na milne ke wajh se m bht upset rehne lgi thi rat rat bhar sbko yad krke roti thi….pr us wkt bhi wo mere sath ni tha us tym to usne mujhe call bhi ni ki…m aur bhi upset ho gyi thi….tabhi ek din fb pe mere ek frnd ki wall pe ek boy ki pic thi wo mujhe achi lgi to maine use req bhej di….phir meri aur us boy(j) ki bat hone lgi thi.. .mujhe pta chla ki wo mere college ke hi h…abhi hmari bat ko 5 days hi hue the ki unhone mujhe propose kr dia pr maine kha ki meri shadi mere cousin se tae h uspe unho ne kha ki bt I love u…waise m jldi kisi pe bilive ni pr mujhe pta ni kya ho gya tha hmne unhe apna no..apni pic sb de dia…apni lyf ki choti se choti bat unhe btane lgi….us wakt mera cousin mujhse bat kr rha tha na hi kisi se usne mere bare me poocha…aur ek taraf mujhse j itni achi bat krne lge meri care krne lge….jis din unse bat na kru mera poora din bekar jata tha…aur dhere dhere mujhe bhi unse luv ho gya aur maine unse keh dia…ab hm roz rat me 2,3 bje tk bat krte,scool jane se pehle bat krte,aur jaise aate phir krte…maine apni cousin sis ko sari bat btai usne kha ab tmhe real love hua h….tbhi beech me valentine week aa gya aur shayad ye meri bht badi glti thi unhone mujhe class ke bahar bulaya tha mujhe gift dene ke liye pr us din hme apne projects submit krne the to m usme bzy the to m ja ni pai uspe wo bht naraz the pr hmne unhe mna lia…unhone ne mujhse kai bar ghoomne chlne ko kha pr m us tym apni family se darti thi ki kya kahungi kaise jaungi…aur phir m j ko tal deti thi…phir beech beech me aisa hone lage ki wo mujhse 1,2 din tk bat na kre m bht pareshan ho jati thi n us tym m scool ni ja rhi thi meri tabeyat ni theek thi ki m scool jati aur unhe dekhti phir jb msg aata to kuch na kuch bta dete n jb hmare 8th ke final exam the us din maine unhe dekha tha first time aur ek nazar me pehchan gyi thi….hmara relation bilkul shi chal rha tha ab m ghoomne ke lie mna bhi krti to wo naraz ni hote khte choro ise…m bht khush thi…wo mujhe jo mna krte the wo m ni krti thi m unke sath bht zada happy thi….pr achanak ek din unhone mujhse bat krni band kr di maine unhe call ki msg kia fb pe msg kia pr koi response ni aaya pr kuch din bad aya to kha ki m tmhe bad me khone se darta hu to sochta hu abhi se bhool jau maene bht smjhaya ki agar aap mere sath rahenge to m kuch bhi kr skti hu to phir wo man gye phir hmra relation ache se chalta rha ab hmari exam khtm ho gye the to holidays shuru ho chuki thi in sb mater ke wajh se mete exam. bhi zada ache ni gye the pr mujhe uska koi gm ni tha kuki ab mere sath j the pr kuch din bad unhone phir hmse bat krni band kr di 1 mnth tk koi reply ni aaya uske bad aaya to kehne lge ki unhe lgta h unka aur mera relation ni chalega m bht roi bht kuch kha pr unhone ab rply krna bhi band kr dia phir 2 din bad bat hui to kehne lge to kehne lge hme koi glti ni krni hmse tmse pyar krna h….bht zada pyar…maene pocha sachi to unhone itna rudly ans dia ki ni m mazak kr rha tha n dis iz fynal….m bht roi chup chup ke kuki us rat dad ke ghr na hone ki wajhse mom mere pas soi thi….phir m wkt roti thi mom log sochti thi m apne nanihal ke wajh se ro rhi hu pr wo ni janti thi ki mujhe kya gam h..phir m unhe bht se msg kru tb wo ek krte the wo bhi hi hello se zada ni…phr hmare scool khul gye m ek din bhi mis ni krna chahti thi kuki ye unka scool me last year h n iske bad shayad m unhe dekh bhi na pati m hr din hr wkt unhe dekhti pr wo to mere taraf dekhte bhi ni the glti se mere taraf nazar pad jae to m bht khush ho jati thi n fir maine apni cousin n frndz se hlp mangi pr j ne to unse bat hi ni ki….n ab hmari summer vacation shuru ho gye the koi bat ni hui idhar to meri unse….pr last me unka mere pas rply aaya aur ek bar fir unhone mujhse kha ki he love me n m unki hr bat pe yakin krti gyi unhone kha ghoomne chlne ke lie m tayar ho gyi pr next day meri cousin ghr wapas ja rhi thi to mujhe station bhi jana tha tha to maine kha kl ni aur chahe jb aap kahiye phir bat hui thori n hmesha ki trh phir bat adhoori chor gye….n jb maine poocha to kha ni bat krni n dis is final yar bhool jao hme….m bht bht bht roi us din….aur aaj bhi roti hu jb m akeli hoti hu inhone ne jb 2nd mujhe dhokha dia tha tb unhi ke bro ne mujhe btaya ki he dont love me….pr mujhe ni yakin hua pr aaj lgta h wo shi the “he dont love” pr aaj bhi m unki ek nazar ki pyasi rehti hu unhe yad krti hu…unka intezar krti hu….unke bad mujhe bht ne propose kia pr maine mna kr dia is wkt me mujhe sirf meri cousin n frnd ne sambhala ab bs meri zindagi whi h mujhe kisi aur se kbhi luv ho hi ni skta hi is my first n last love pr mujhe ek bat aaj tk samjh ni aai jb inhe mujhe luv hi ni tu kyu apne dosto ko mujhe dikhate h aaur kuch btate h,ku jb m inke bhai se bat kru to inko bura lgta tha,ku meri dp change krne ko kha ku…..dhokkha dia 🙁 I loveu forever aap mere pehle aur aakhri luv ho….

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