Love Exists as He , His & Him

Firstly , i would like to introduce myself , mera naam Meera (fictional but logical) h and m haryana se belong karti hu. Bachpan se hi meri personality introvert type rahi hai ya ye bole ki maine bahar ki duniya ko jan ne se pehle apni hi duniya ko aankho me basa liya tha. So the story is starting from my childhood meri age yahi koi 7-8 saal ke aas paas rahi hogi jab ek family function me mere parents se suna tha ek ladke ki taraf ishaara karte hue ki hamari beti ki shaadi to is se hi karenge ( actually in a mutual program our families met) , vo baat meri memory me pata nhi kyu aur kese ghar kar gayi. Maine meri mummy se pucha ki shadi kya hoti hai to mummy ne jwab diya ki ‘ ladki ko apna ghar chhod ke dusre ghar jana hota hai’ but i was not satisfied with that answer. Kuch din baad school me hamari teacher ki nayi nayi shaadi hui thi un se pucha same question to unhone bola ‘ shadi matlab kisi ke liye khud ko samarpit kar dena , khud ko bhul kar kisi ka ho jana’ aur kuch to nahi samajh aaya but itna pata chala ki kisi ka ho jana hota hai , matlab jisko dekha tha us ladke ka hona. (I know sabko hasi aa sakti hai is baat pe but really i did all that , 7-8 saal ki age me maine itna sab collect kar ke assemble kiya). Age km thi ek baar hi dekha tha to blur type image thi mind me uski , maine naam pta kiya then 2 saal baad when i was 10 maine uske naam ke first letter ka tattoo banvaya, in my family meri mummy and bhai ko pata tha ki maine uske hi liye tattoo banvaya hai then 5-6 saal baad maine apne papa ke phone me randomly usi chehre ko dekha ek dp pe ( vo uske father ke number the) then maine meri mummy ko bola ye photo print nikalvani hai mujhe , mummy ne pucha kyu to maine bola m mere room me mandir me rakhugi. I worshipped him , mujhe sukoon milta tha us chehre ko dekh ke koi din nhi jata tha jab m nhi dekhti thi , m kahi bhi jaati vo photo mere saath hoti thi aur ghar hoti thi to mere mandir me hoti thi. Maine unko ek baar randomly market me dekha door se i was like statued mujhe yaad hai m kitni khush thi us din then uske kuch saal baad hamare hi village me ek shaadi me aaye the vo to chhat se dekha tha maine unko mere ander itna bhi courage nhi tha ki unke samne ja pau. Although m kahi se unka number bhi arrange kar sakti thi but maine kabhi koshish nhi ki kyuki mujhe lagta tha ki time per sab ho jayega actually mere liye unki hona hi bahut kuch tha. Mujhe kisi aur ka mujhe dekhna bhi chubhta tha kyuki m khud per bas unka haq smajhti thi , Mujhe yaad hai jab school me propose karne per maine reject kiya to kuch ladke mujhe pareshan karte the to m ghar aake unki photo samne rakh ke unko batate huye royi thi ki aapke hote kyu ho raha hai ye sab kaha ho aap , m to aapki hu na to kyu propose kare mujhe aur koi. I don’t know pyar kya hota hai but mujhe ye pata hai kisi ka hona kya hota hai.


Well m unke baare me bata deti hu jitna maine suna tha , wo haryana se hi belong karte hai and from 6th to 12th wo delhi hostel me reh kar padhe hai , unki ek classmate hamare relation me thi so why unke baare me kuch kuch pta tha like by guts , principles , looks , standards , character, personality etc. he is god gifted person ( aisa m isliye nhi bol rhi kyuki m unse pyar karti hu , aisa koi bhi bolega jo unko 1% bhi janta hoga and maine to suna hi tha tab tak to) , not well disciplined but fir bhi sabhi teachers ke favorite the wo aur maine suna ki kaafi ladkiyo ke crush hai wo but wo nhi dekhte kisi ladki ko ( it’s strange aaj ki generation me lekin trust me wo aise hi hai ) , kuch se suna ki ghamand bahut hai unme . Abhi filhaal wo canada se engineering kar rahe hai.
Last 4 months pehle wo india aaye hue the Wo mujhe nahi jante the unko is baare me kuch nhi pata tha ki hamari families ki baat hui hai hamare bachpan me shadi ke regarding, then jab unki mother ne unko  bola is baare me ki humne promise kiya hua hai to haryanvi culture and Indian tradition me promise ko ‘juban’ bolte hai and wo unke parents ki juban kabhi jhuthi nhi hone de sakte the , to unhone haa kar di mujhse milne ke liye , unki mom ne mere ghar inform kiya to my parents said ghar aake mil lo ya fir bahar kahi bhi jaise aapko theek lage.  Unhone unki mom se bola ki is is location pe aane ke liye bol dena unki mom ne bola tu hi pick karega and tu hi drop ( unki mom by nature bahut achi hai) aunty ne bola ghar se 50 meter door se pick kar lega then m waha pahuch gayi thi wo pehle se waha the. M bahut ghabra rahi thi ki m jiske liye jindagi jeeti hu unse kaise milugi m bahut azeeb si feeling thi i was very nervous , unhone car door open kiya and m itni nervous thi ki baithne ke baad door bhi band karna mushkil lag raha tha , unhone khud utar ke meri side ka door band kiya then around 1.5 ghante ka rasta tha 1 ghante hum dono hi kuch nhi bole unhone paani ki bottle offer ki but maine mna kar diya kuch der baad unhone paani peeya aur bottle rakh di to maine dheere se bola paani unhone poochha kya , maine bola paani to unhone bottle pass kar di maine paani nhi peeya bas us bottle ko apne haath me pakde rakha. Shayad wo mujhe pagal samajh rahe hoge but mere liye ye best experience tha life ka then hum bridge pe pahuche unhone bola car se bahar utar ke baat kare maine haa me grdn hilayi unhone bhar jake meri side wala door khola then hum log 30-35 minutes tak khade rahe na wo kuch bole na m. Fir maine hi puchha ki hum yaha hi kyu aaye hai
(Unki baat karne ki language haryanvi hi hai and unhone mujhse haryanvi me hi baatcheet ki but m yaha hindi me mention kar rahi hu) and one more thing hum ek dusre ki taraf dekh kar baat nahi kar rahe the
He: Ye meri sister ki favourite jagah hai
(Mujhe baad me pata laga wo delhi me hi kisiko sister mante the and wo accident se expire ho gayi thi 5-6 years pehle)
Me: Cousin?
He: Nhi , meri sister
Me: But aap to single child ho
Unhone baat change karne ke liye bola single hu tabhi shaadi karni hai kya
Me: But ye to disadvantage hai ki family chhoti milegi
He: Mujhe kab se janti hai
Then maine wo sab kuch bataya jo starting se maine story me mention kiya
Sab kuch sun ne ke baad unhone bola
He : Kabhi ye nhi laga ki kya pata meri life me koi ladki ho
Me: Maine kabhi is baare me socha nahi
He: But m to around 5 years ke liye canada chala gaya tha abhi to kisi kaam se aana pada nhi aata to kya karti
Me: Kisi ka hona hi to hota hai uske hone na hone ka is baat se koi relation nhi hai and itne saal intezaar kiya to kuch aur saal sahi (maine purse se photo nikalte hue bola) m intezaar me akeli bhi nahi hu ye rehte hai mere saath (meri aankho me aansu aa gaye the and meri voice bhi down ho gayi thi to unhone rumal diya mujhe)
Unhone bola dekh ro mat m manta hu teri feelings bilkul pure hai lekin m tujhe meri side samjha dena chahta hu uske baad tu chahegi to m shaadi kar lunga , baat ye hai ki jab chhoti si age me tune mujhe dekha aur apna maana jab m kisi ka nahi tha but abhi 5 saal pehle se m kisi ladki ko chahta hu. Ye sun na mere liye bahut weak moment tha maine khud ko bahut sambhal ke bola – koi baat nhi to zaroori thodi hai m jo chahu wo mujhe mil jaye aapki Khushi me m khush reh lungi
He: Mila kuch nahi
Me: Aapko mil jaye aapka pyar ye kaafi hai
He: M meri hi bol raha hu , actually it’s one sided
Me: To bol do usko is se pehle ki aapko is point pe khade hona pade jaha m hu
He: Itna patience and samajhdari nahi thi jo wait kar leta , maine usko bata diya tha and usne reject kar diya , bahut complicated hai sab kuch but conclusion ye hai humare beech kuch nhi ho sakta ab kabhi bhi
Me: Kyu usko koi aur pasand hai kya
He: Abhi tak ya abhi se pehle to na koi tha aur na koi hai aage ka abhi kya keh sakte hai
Me : Fir aapko bhala koi kyu reject karegi aisa to possible hi nhi hai
He: Aisa hi hua hai and tujhe m bas itna bolna chahta hu m kisi aur ko kabhi accept nahi kar pauga so m shaadi kar ke kisi ladki ki life khrab nhi kar sakta , aaj yaha bas m apne parents ke promise ke liye aaya hu . M mana nhi kar sakta but tu kar sakti hai , maine aaj tak kisi ki aankho ke siva koi nasha nhi kiya hai but agar shaadi ke baad ghutan se relief paane ke liye mne ye rasta chun liya to tu nhi dekh payegi mujhe nashe me, m tujhe pareshan nhi karuga uchi aawaz me bhi nhi boluga but kabhi dekh bhi nhi pauga teri taraf , time ke saath kuch nhi badlega still tu shaadi karna chahe to teri marji hai
Me: Please ruk jao thodi der aur kuch mat bolo mujhe samjha lene do khud ko
(Kuch der baad maine khud ko shant kiya aur bola chale ghar , then hum log Ghar ke liye nikal gaye )
Raste me unhone dusri paani ki bottle li aur mujhe di to maine bola hai to sahi paani
He: wo to tu ghar leke jayegi
Me: Aapko kaise pata
He: Bas aise hi
Me: Us ladki ke baare me kuch bata do
He: Shabdo me batayi nahi ja sakti
Me: Baat hoti hai?
He: Nahi , Hardly 4-5 baar hui hai bas 5 saalo me
Me: Kaisi ladki hai aapse na baat karti ho
He: Bas aisi hi hai
Then mujhe drop kar ke wo ghar chale gaye maine instagram account create kiya unse baatein karne ke liye ( haven’t used before) maine message kiya to unhone dekha nahi then aunty ji ( his mom) ka call aaya to maine unko bola ki Maine message request daali hai instagram pe then unka reply aaya and aise hi bas 10 15 minute baatein hoti thi kabhi nahi bhi wo bas isliye baatein kar rahe the formally bhi ki m mana kar du jaise ek conversation share karugi mai
He – kab aayega tera decision result
Me – aapke jane se pehle
He – soch samajh kar faisla lena kyuki zindagi barbad ho jaati hai ek faisle se
Me – Jaise for example
Me – Aise mana karvaoge
He – Just advising , okk bye
Me – kya hua
He – Kuch nahi , waise tu ek minute bhi nahi padhti hai na , law karne wale bina padhe hi kar lete hai kya
Me – Kyu padhna hai aap ho to sahi
He – chal theek hai mujhe kaam hai koi
Me – Ok ji

Aise unhone kaafi baar kehne ki koshish kari jis se m mana kar du and definitely wo khud ke liye nahi bol rahe the ye sab kuch, then ek din unhone bola ki 5 din baad ja raha hu m tu bata de tera jo bhi faisla hai to maine bola mujhe mil ke batana hai then hum mile maine kaafi himmat kar ke bola ki please aap unko ek baar aur manane ki koshish kar lo jisko aap chahte ho to unhone bola ki mujhe kuch nahi karna and possible nahi hai kuch bhi tu tera decision bata jo bhi hai. Maine bol diya ki maine aapke pyar ko feel kiya hai us ladki ke liye to m kaise zabardasti ke rishte me bandh du aapko ye kaisa pyar hoga phir kyunki pyar to independency deta hai maine bol diya but m khud ko nahi sambhal paa rahi thi after all maine apni zindagi ki sabse keemati khwahish khoyi thi hum log car me baithe the unhone kuch nahi bola paani offer kiya maine nahi peeya around 1 hour ho gaya tha m unki photo dekh rahi thi aur mere aansu nahi ruk rahe the hamari koi baat nahi ho rahi thi and meri condition aisi thi ki saans lene me bhi problem ho rahi thi jese sab kuch toot gaya ho mere ander shayad koi samajh paaye ki kya situation rahi hogi jab rona enough nahi hota , unhone rumal mere haath pe rakh le uper apna haath rakha aur mere aansu apne aap ruk gaye jese sab kuch control ho gaya. Yaha se dekha ja sakta hai wo kitne gentle hai ki unhone rumal rakh ke haath rakha mere haath pe uske baad unhone zidd kar ke mujhe ek cafe me khana khane ke liye force kiya , bole ki mujhe nahi pata tu kitne din nahi khayegi aur m nahi chahta ki meri wajah se koi bimar ho Uske baad raste me unhone bola ki dekh mai nahi keh raha ki tu aaj hi sab kuch bhool ja aisa possible hai bhi nahi in fact kabhi nahi hai but divide kar le parts me life ko aur is phase ko ek part maan ke reserve kar jisko tu kabhi yaad kare to tere chehre pe hasi aaye aansu nahi , and ek baat hamesha yaad rakhna jis se bhi tu shaadi karegi uske saath loyal rehna kyunki in sab me uski koi galti nahi hogi , mai tere bhai se baat kar lunga wo support karega tujhe and ye photo dekh ke jeena band kar de aise nahi change ho sakta kuch bhi , means unhone kaafi kuch samjhane ki koshish kari , mere bhai se mile wo and shuru me to mere bhai ko laga wo majak kar rahe hai ki wo mujhse shaadi nahi karenge then unhone jab sab kuch bataya to mere bhai ne unko thanks bola ki unhone pehle hi sab kuch bata diya warna baad me kya karte hum log then unhone usko bhi kafi kuch samjhaya and phir jab m ro rahi thi to mere bhai ne bola ki ab jab itni himmat kar li to ab kamjor padna to banta nahi tu kamjor nahi hai m hu tere saath bas phir hum ghar aa gaye and wo chale gaye. Mere liye namunkin sa tha sab kuch and in detail unexplainable hai sab kuch.


Wo canada chale gaye , mushkil to the hi din nikalne lekin koi option nahi tha mai koshish bhi nahi kar paa rahi thi unse door hone ki aur phir gharwalo ne mujhe canda bhejne ka decision le liya ( actually decided pehle se tha) then mai chali gayi mere bhai ka visa kuch din baad aana tha to mujhe akele hi jana pada and jaane ke 2 din baad hi meri tabiyat kharab ho gayi climate change ki wajah se wo mujhse 3200 KM door the like mai vancuover me and wo montreal me unke paas mere bhai me call kiya ki meri tabiyat kharab hai and all then unhone bola ki m to kaafi door hu m kisi ko bhej deta hu ek ladki mujhe hospital le ke gayi and usne hi mera dhayan rakha about 15 days jab tak mera bhai nahi aaya tha and mujhe pata bhi nahi tha ki unhone bheja hai is ladki ko mere bhai ne aake bataya , wo mujhse milne nahi aaye aur waise maine expect bhi nahi kiya tha ki wo aayenge. Around 3 months ho gaye the m nahi move ho paa rahi thi maine koshishe bhi kari photo na dekhu but kuch nahi ho paya mai itne saalo me kabhi unko yaad karke royi nahi thi kyuki mai unse mili nahi thi maine unko theek se dekha nahi tha but milne ke baad. ab ek bhi raat aisi nahi ja rahi thi jab m royi na hu aise hi ek raat jaise sab kuch out of control ho gaya ho mujhe theek se saans nahi aa raha tha and then meri aankhe band ho gayi jab khuli to m hospital thi mujhe heart attack aaya tha then mummy papa ne india bula liya 1 mahina m india reh ke aayi ek din unka message bhi aaya ki kya haal chaal hai maine bola theek hu to bole ki theek hoti to mujhe kyu hi message karna padta aise to zindagi nahi nikal sakti jaise tu nikalne ki soch rahi hai unhone kaafi samjhaya mujhe hamari 20 minute baat hui thi and m chahte hue bhi nahi bol paayi ki mujhe aawaz sun ni hai ek baar call kar lo. Uske baad canada wapas aa gayi ab wo yaha nahi rehte mujhe nahi pata kaha hai 2 months ho gaye hai mujhe unki photo dekhe hue lekin na to m unko ek minute bhi bhool paati hu na hi soch paati hu ki kese kisi aur se shaadi kar paugi kese accept kar paugi kya karugi kuch nahi pata mujhe. Bas ye hai ki koshish kar rahi hu aage badhne ki aur har roj yahi dua rehti hai jaha bhi hai khush rahe hamesha , m kismatwali hu ki itni ladkiya chahti hai unhe aur blindly hi chahti hai but at least mujhse wo mile hamari baatein hui and milna na milna to taqdeer ki baat hai , meera ko krishn ji mile nahi the but phir bhi unka pyar immortal hai. Chahe kal ko kuch bhi ho m kisi se shaadi karu to bhi unke liye pyar hamesha zinda rahega.

Note:- shayad utna bata nahi paayi jitna feel kiya ja sakta hai but i have tried my best.

 Thank You

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