Love dairies📓Aashish Singh 

The day were I thought to write about my self story   which is confusing for me that what should I name it one sided love story or what ? This was started nearly two years ago. We know eachother from childhood played together but time changes my family shift and after 5 years, We came back to the same place I was 21. I never thought that this will happen because I was boy that thinks there is nothing like attraction love, all is just necessity. That was a time were I always being with married women’s  for necessities like physical and emotional support for them chilling hook-up.Nowdays getting physical with opposite gender is normal but I am form 90s and for me get physical with girl without marriage is wrong, And doing  affairs with married girls were normal too me if they were ready to be, I never approached any married women to be with me . That was me and also happy with it. And here come’s a day were we started talking like normal friends , chats, sharing memes, flirting ,chilling with friends,etc. before that she was only neighbours to me that live at same building . Constantly talking to her. I don’t know what happened to me I started ignoring all things I stopped hook-ups with that women’s, meeting them all things. All I just wanted to talk her spend time together and only think about her every time day night even talk some one else calling her name instead of there name. The big change that I felt. I thought its just an attraction and tried to ignore that feeling about her.

She also told me that its an only attraction don’t think about it. Actually all this was just started with flirting I always flirted with here will talking ,because as I said that I never thought about girls to begin in relationships. Noticing all this flirting once in morning she ask me that you flirt so much with me I am the one you talk about and likes me or what ? And just for fun I said yes you are that girl I think I will clear her this thing but after that she continuously ask much more and I was answering for fun as I said that attraction love was nothing for me . I decided that when it go too much i will tell her that nothing is like that and then the same day I finalised that I will clear her and tell her the truth , But then I think that what she will say and think about me, that’s why I don’t dare to say her truth and continue talking her and believe me in real from depth of my heart I started feel something special about her. I don’t know why i was thinking about her but yes feelings for her was real because this all never happened to me ever. Once I drive her to office drop her there after I don’t know suddenly what happen I was thinking about her, why I leave her there? why she is far to me ? Very silly things were happing with me. Literally i was dreaming about her not just seeing her like she is mine that type of dreams. Continues seeing dreams about I was not comfortable with I start feeling akward because it was started with just a misunderstanding for her and funnier for me she didn’t know the truth and till now I feel akward to talk her face to face,because I lied and secondly what I start feeling about her is real. Once she suggest a web series to watch named crash landing on you a koren love story, I never watched love stories I only loved to watch horror, crime and mysteries movies and web series, but here she suggested then how can I ignored it i was in that zone of her were no one matters to me anymore, after watch it i loved and started watch that type of koren web series. She like one song “perfect’ by ED sheeran I byheart the song that if any special moment will happen I will sing her this song and one song in hindi named “O sanam’ by lucky ali and always listening this songs every time.

This much were happening even my all passcode were combinations of her name and birth date letters I never save passwords to my mobile but only for adding name I locked my mobile, I loved to listen her and everytime available for her. I also shared some dreams with her like two days ago (06-01-2023:- Me my girl and some of our friends were going some were at temple ,while going I saw that she wants to say something to me but she was stopping herself , After that we all reached temple it was heavy raining all were inside praying and I was standing outside looking at each other. After finishing the pray she came out with all friends said bye to them, All friends were gone we both were standing outside, she was just to say something but one of her friend came she started talking with her, and I was enjoying the rain , then her friend leaves and suddenly she rans towards me and hugs me ) then I woke up and  its was my pillow hugging with, Many more dreams. This all things gives me strong feelings about her, whenever I talk to her I see dream that night. Now what’s the logic behind this I don’t know. She love’s chocolates most specially kitkat I named her sweet tooth because she eat’s lots of chocolates. I never had any expectations from her that she should also feel same or notice me , I have just written the all things that is noticed by myself and till now can’t get what it is. Beside all this she has a boyfriend, and very strong bonding relationship with each other. She’s happy thats all I want, I was always very flirty with her she doesn’t wanted to do me that she told then I stopped flirt and our conversation chats stopped because all I doing just flirting and funny meme sharing cutie baby’s reels she loves baby videos. while talking I don’t even look into her eyes I love her eyes but I don’t.

Then I started think it wasn’t attraction’s. I share here about my goals and what I will do in future. I was joining merchant navy course gone for training and there I got scam with the course I came return and all things changed. I was very disappointed with myself that  why I took the step forward and that step was also taken after talking here and I will always thankful to her because I was chilling that I have time to do all things. Goals were ready but what if you are only thinking. From thinking to taking step she is the part of it and its worth for me. All this ruined and how I will face her, I said many things that I will do and now I was zero. I was feeling that go somewhere and die facing her is was very tough for me but then, My second mother my masi clam me that nothing has happened it just a little problem that you are facing try hard and achieve your goal. After that I want to delhi for my uncle’s wedding . For talking her  I wanted courage but I can’t I only share reels instead of talking, while coming back to mumbai I text her she replied and said “now you got time while coming back’ and  I lied her that I was busy in uncle’s wedding truth was I only thinking that what next and how to face her. After coming here she was busy with work and own relationship. All things got slow down like we all friends always go for a walk after dinner, going for ride all this things stopped with time. Now hardly she talks with me I send her many memes she don’t even reacts many time , thats not her fault when we come in front of each other she is with her boyfriend and I think why should go between them but yes when all friends are there I join them, Not because of her boyfriend, his is good friend of me, I don’t feel good while they are together not only they I don’t like to be either if any of couples is there but she thinks that I am Ignoring her, thats was misunderstanding , she ask me many times  that why you go like you don’t know me and walk away like an stranger, I told her that nothing like that. Why I will Ignore you are special to me and she will forever because first time in my life I felt something like this. I love to hear her voice I like that vibe that gets created when she is with me. Now she moved to other city for job, First it was ok to not having conversations daily but when she move to other city I feel what now I will not even get to see her face. She doesn’t like horror movies and very feared and overthinker girl how she will manage god’s knows, But she will and other side she has partner to protect and help her with this things. Today 04-02-2023 :- I saw her , she reacted at memes on instagram I text her “ welcome busy lady’ she said “Yes very busy ‘ then I ask her when she is going back? She said “ 13 feb ‘ then I ask how parents reacted while you your going ? She said mommy got emotional and now I came back home got more love from her , then she told but her PG that all is good there day time its easy office hours but night time problem to sleep , I said it will get normal when you realize that there is no ghost all the ghost there in room is you and your roommates. Then we wish good night to each other and ended the conversation. Today 13-02-2023 She’s gone back now don’t know when she will come back home and I will see her. Yesterday night I wish her happy journey she replied thank you and that’s it. I wish she will safe and take care of herself. This is not a end of my unexpected one sided love story.

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