My life is over – Suman Thakur

hello Dost,
Mera naam Suman Thakur age 21 . AJ main apni complicated life story share karna chahta hu.
Main Ek college student political honors 2nd part me parai karta hu…”mera Hindi thora weak hai”

Mera ghar siliguri k as pas ek gaon me parta hai. Mujhe gaon pasand jyada pasan nahi ..kabhi kabar Bari’s k mousam me acha lagta hai….. ..

Main ek aise family me rahta hu
Jaha hona ya na hona bara bar…
Papa  juwari ….uncle bhi jwari……
Har roj Larai jhagra hota rehta hai…yeh sab common ho gya tha  roj Marra k jindgi me…sarab k nase me aa kar …
Mom ko Marta ha …jab main ghar me na rahu…..Sab sala …selfish

Bachpan se lekar aJ thak mere upar aJ tak ..mere upar koi kharcha nahi kya…..sirf study ke liye kharcha karta tha …baki mere Kapre  ,meri jarurat ,, kuch bhi nahi pura kya…aisa nahi ki  money problems …..yeh problem nahi tha….family me baki Sab Bache ko pyar aur  har ek jarurat pura hota tha  aur abhi bhi hota ha..par mujhse sab dhur rehta ha.. Main ne bhi mom ke ilaba kisi ko chaha bhi nahi…..mom ko maine promise kya tha ki main Sab thik  karunga aur yaha se bahut dur chale jayenge …..

Isi umeed me bas age barta gya ……..mera 10th mein admission hua …..aur main tuition bhi join karli..
mere gharse 7km dur mera school aur tuition parta hai.

“”Ab suru hota hain mere life k asli kahani “”

Maine tuition  aur school Jana start kardiya ….tuition me main jyda kisi se baat nahi karta tha ..kyon  ki main thoda bahut shy type tha ………mere tuition start k thik 4 din baad ek ladki (Ritika Das) Join ki….Kasam se dil me first time ajib si feeling hua………💗.

Mujhe us time pata nahi tha ki kya ho raha h ..but mujhe acha lagta tha……WO bahut jya bolti hai . ..
Bikul bindas  bat bat par hasna…chanchal……aur kasamse bahut khubsurat bhi…
WO har roj aa kar first bench par baith apni dosto k saat bat karne me busy ..aur main last me baith ..use dekhta aur uski batein sunte rahta tha ….din bitte gaye aur mujhe pata bhi nahi chala …ki kab mujhe USse pyar ho gya ….
Mujhe tab ye pata nahi tha ki ladki ko kaise propose kare ….main usse ekbaar bhi baat bhi nahi kya….par main soch kar
Rakka tha ki ab bata hu……

Par batane se pehle mom k saat mujhe Bihar (madhubani) Jana para kisi kaam k baje se… Mom boli hum 1 month rahenge.. Pat Jane k baad mera 1 din bhi man nahi lag raha tha …….2 din main apne dost ko call karke kaha ki …
Mujhe Ritika se baat karni hai…
WO jaanna chahraha tha ki kyo…
Main sari baatein bol di..aur o samajh gya ……usi din raat  karib
8:10 pm ko call aya …voice suntehi mera heard bit tezz hone laga ….hum dono phone pe karib
10 mi baat ki ……akhir me himmat karke boldiya “I like u” ..
WO thori der silent thi ..thori der baad uska ekhi jawab aya…””no sorry “”.. Aur call end…
USS time aisa laga mano …”” Jinda machli ko pani se nikal ke
Sukhi Jami par rakh diya ho “”

Bahut buri tarah roya 💔💔..rat bhar… Aur main bahana banakar dusre din chala aya …ghar..
Sannata feel horaha tha …..tuition bhi Jana chordiya ….1 month k liye…..
Ghar se bahut tarhke bat sunna parta tha……….isi liye first tuition join karli ……join hone k baad firse  propose kiya …but and same…..WO mujhe pyar nahi karti….ye Jan karbhi ….ekhi umeed aur zeed par baitha raha…
WO accept karegi…….
But I was wrong….

Mera first depression wohi se start hota hai…main study tuition jari rakka …is ke thik 2 month baad ..mere eye problem create hua Jisse hum “” eye floaters “” kahtein hain.. Mujhe iske bare main kuch bhi pata nahi tha…..
Din katte gaye aur board exam samne aahi gya….Insab chakkar me mera study thik se complete nahi karpaya…firbi exam de kar
59% pass ho kar jar arts le li..

Uske baat firse same tuition join kya aur WO bhi join ki.. Pata nahi …mujhe achcha lagta tha jab use dekta hu …uske voice sunta hu….uske naam sunta hu..ya for koi uske bare me baat ……..pahle k tarh WO wohi 1st bench aur main last bench se dekhta rehta tha. …khabhi bahut dil me mahut dard bhi hota rehta tha ..aJ bhi hota hai… Call 11th me aa gaye ..aur continue raha…main bahot badal sa gya hu ..jab se usko pyar kya……

Idhar mere eye problem jyada irritate  kar rahata tha…
Main darke mare ghar me nahi bola ki mujhe eye problem hai…
Par eye problems jyada ho raha tha ….ekdin himmat karke gharme dadi ko bola …aur Jo dar tha  hua…. Bahut baatein sunna para… Akhir me 700 rupees de
Kar kaha ki Nepal ja WO thik karba le …main apna ek dost ko lekar cycle se 45 km dur Nepal..
Kakarbhitta eye clinic pahucha Karin 1:30 pm ..
Woha bola ki mere retina thik hain…
Ek drop de kar kaha ki ” yeh normal problem hain thik ho jyga ..” Main bahut khus ghar aa gya …..gharme kisi ko pata nahi mere eye problem k bare me sivaay mom aur dadi k….
Agar inke  ilaba papa ya uncle ko pata chalta toh WO hi par maar deta mujhe …..kyon  ki mujhe ghar me koi pasan nahi karta ..
Khud ka kharcha khud nikalta tha …10,5,20 har roj jugar karke mahine me ekbaar nikal kar …
Apne sirt pants leta hu….

One month baad koi result na Milne par firse main wohi dost ke saath cycle( bhare dene ke pasise nahi tha) se Nepal gya ..
Doctor ne bola ki ye problem ka ilaaz nahi hai …ye ese hi rahega ..
Par isse nuksaan nahi hoga…..

Yeh baat sunkar mera dimmaaag aur kharab hone laga ….bahot depression me rehne laga ….gharme har roj jhagra..
Tuition me usse dekhne ke baad dimaag kharab..hona aur mere eye problems….main bahot tension me ane laga ..11ka exam bhi asmne achuka tha …aur pura saal barbard…
Main ne himmat jutayi..aur exam diya…..45% se paas bhi ho gya….

Main ne decision liya ki ….main sabkhuch bhul kar age barta rahunga ….aur ye kya bhi…..kia ..
Doctor ke mutabik eye tension Lena chordiya.

mera 12th me admission hogya ..same tuition …air WO bhi….
Main apni depression se bahar nikalna chahta tha …sab khuch vhul kar study me full focus dedi…..

Aur ek baat hain..Main jab bhi ritika ko dekhta hu to duniya k sare tension bhul jata hu…
12th me samajh me aya ki mera
Love one side hai….ye samajh kar mujhe dhuk nahi hua balki mere chehre par ajib se smile aya gya tha…….aur mere studdiya
Jo full focus tha na WO sirf pyar k baje se tha…….Sab khuch bhul kar  uski yado me kho sa gya ……
Yakin mano isbaar 81% se pass ho gya… ….main bahot khus tha ..aur bahut dhukhi bhi….
Kyo ki main dubar harroj ki tarh usse kabhi nahi mil paOnga…
Bahut tut 💔 chuka tha aur bahot roya bhi..

WO chali gayi apni raste …main apne raste …….mujhe ye duri bardast nahi hua …..isiki bajhse firse depression me chala gya ….
Wahse toh main akela hi rahta hu …usse  dur hone k baad aur akela hone laga tha….

Idhar firse eye problems dene lage ……main money jugar karke doctor k pass gya ..bola ki abhi thik hai…par Mera eye ka conditions bahut kharap tha …..
Doctor ne kaha ki iska koi ilaj nahi…par avhi thak thik hai…..
Yeh Sab sunkar total tut chuka tha…

Kisi tarh college me admission lekar study continue rakha…
Usi college me woska bhi admission hua …history honors mein…..
3 month baad usse dekh kar ….
Bahot rahat mili….kasam se agar WO kehti ki tum apni jan de do..
To main piche nahi hatta….

Mera ek dost me kaha ki ….
Firse ekbaar propose kar ….
5 September 2017 ko main ne college me USSe fir se purpose kya….aur zawab tha ” yes”…..

Us tyme  aisa lagraha tha mano ….”usi machli ko Jami se utha kar wapas pani me dal dya ho “”.  Bahot bahot jya khustha…
Bahot jor se chikne ko man kar raha tha ……sare depression khtam…..Jitne bhi dream tha Mera firse dekhne laga ….

But ye Sab ho Jane k thik 15 din baad ek call aya..wohi dost ka ..tab main college mehi tha ..WO uasdin nahi ayi thi …
.aur use kaha  “” Ritika ye relationship me nahi rehna chahti, WO mana kardi “”..

Ye sunkar Mera Sab khatam…
Main class se nikal kar side bus pakar ke ghar aya…pure raste rote raha….. Main isbaar pahle se jyada dard ho raha tha..
Firse wohi depression ….
Aur depression k mare eye problem jyada hone laga…
Main 2 month aise hi ghar baithe katdi…aur move on hone ka faisla liya….

Kuchdin baad main siliguri “north Bengal eye institute” me regular test k liye gya ..aur woha ek notice board likha tha …
“”                -: Warning :-
Eye floaters causes blindness or
Retinal detachment ..

Mujhe samajh aagya ki my life is over ….Mere life khtam…main yeh kuch bhi bardas nahi kar sakta……..doctor ka test hua …
Aur uska bhi same ans abhi thak
Thik hai….
Par main tut chuka tha …..bahot depression me aagya ….aur move on bhi nahi ho pa raha tha…
Family ko bola . but mere family bole ki doctor ne bola ki thik hai toh thik e hoga …main samajh chuka tha ki family se kuch nahi hoga
..
Idhar Ritika ki yaad,,eye tension. ,
Mom ka tension,, exam samne tha uska tension,, ,
…main suicidal feel karne laga …

Agar move on karu bhi toh kaha jaon…kiske pass jao…..

Maine akhri umeed ke saath ….
Google pe aya aur first time eye floaters k bare Me search kya ….
Aur Jitne bhi result aye….main wohi par hos kho baitha…..mujhe Jo hua hai…WO glaucoma k barabar……iska koi ilaj nahi…..

Uske kuchdin baad main iska solution search kya ……
Aur ek website mili eyefloatersnomore.com

Yeh milte hi aur ek umeed jagi….
Yaha par iska solution book me hai….aur USS book $37 Dollars.
Matab 2700 karib..
Joki mere pas nahi tha……yaha par umeed nahi raha….

Exam same tha ..exam bhi diya
43% se pass karli…..
Aur 2nd part me admission k liye
2500 chahiye….main ne  gharse 2500 rupai liye par admission k liye nahi book kharidne k liye….
Maine admission nahi kya ….

Ab mere PSS money the …par jab main dost k pass gya bola order kar ….par order nahi hua..kyo ki
International debit ya credit card chahiye ..Jo ki mere pass nahi tha….

ASA khtam…..par akhir me mere dost k account se international debit card banbaya ….aur oder
Firbi nahi ho raha tha…..
Main  ne umeed chordi….
Par fir ekdin Maine
.com k badle .net karke open kya aur order approved……

Order ho gya …main bahot khus tha aur bahot excited bhi……

Maine book open kya aur book achi trike se para aur samjha…
Us book me much medicine the ..
Jika worth  lagbhag 15-20k..
Mera sapna sapna bankar rehgya …
Gharme bola but bola ki online thag  hota hai ….madat nahi mila..
Aur pata bhi tha ki madat nahi milne wala..

Firse doctor k pass gya …
Doctor be kaha ki conditions kharab hote jaraha hai …aur him much nahi kar sakte…..
Main book k bare me bola but kaha ki ye thag log hai…isse kuch nahi hoga..main WAPS ghar akar.. pata nahi kuon main bahot roya..

Mujhe abhi bharosa hai book me..
Par medicine kharid ne ke liye money nahi tha …aur koi help nahi kya ….koinahi…..
Main ne soja ki job karke money
Income karlu…par is depression k bajese kuch nahi karpaya…
Aur mere pas utna time bhi nahi ki job karke ilaaj karu..

Main apni life me failure….
Sab kuch waqt ke hato chor diya..

Din katte gye …..Ritika kisi aur ki ho chuki thi…mujhe isbaat se GAM nahi ha ….

Main apna time Facebook. WhatsApp,,YouTube par dene laga ….
Ekdin Facebook pe ek se mulakat hui…. Main jyada se jyada time use dene laga ….karib 1 month usse baat karte raha …aur mujhe acha lagne laga …….
Main propose karna chaha ye jante hue bhi ki mera koi future nahi hai…

24 February 2018 ko raat  12:10  min me propose kya ..WO accept bhi karli…..naam hai Riya Roy..
Mujhe usse  alag lagab tha..
Mujhe dubara pyar hone laga …

Log kehtein ki pyar ekbaar hota
Hai ..but WO log galat hai…..
Main itna selfish hogya tha ki ..
Usse khone se darta tha …

Hum meli first time siliguri suryasen park ..2 hours time uske saath spend kya…wo mere liye chocolate layi thi aur main khali hat….

Main firse jina chah raha tha uske saath life time..ose khone se dar lagta tha …
Hum 2 month me 3 baar  mile ..
o har baar chocolate aur main kaali haat….

Main ne socha ki usse  Sab bata du apni bare me ..aur main ne bata bhi Diya ……par I was shocked WO boli  main kabhi tumhe akele nahi chorungi…
Yeh bhi boli ki ..agar blind bhi ho jaw toh Bhai tumse hi saafi karungi…
Mere pass koi jawab nahi tha….

Insab  1 week baad woo ajib behavior karne lagi ….mujhe doubt feel hua …..
Par Jo dar tha wohi hua….
Wosne break up karli..
mujhe ye bardas nahi hua..
…….
Main firse tutchuka tha ….
Main woise bhi suicide karne wala tha ….par ye mili toh Sab bhul kar firse sapne dekhne laga …par ye bhi dil tor diya…
AJ mujhe feel horaha hai ki  mera is duniya me koi nahi hai ..mere liye kuch nahi hai….

mere pass koi rasta nahi move on hone ka..
mujhe ye bhi pata nahi tha ki mere akhri waqt me bhi dil tune wala hai..
main isliye nahi marraha hu ki ..sab chorkar chale gye .. main isliye marraha hu ki mere pas move on hone ke liye koi rasta nahi hai… sab khatam
***********I just want to kill my self….*********

Thankyou …

This is your admin Sunil Gupta, Please follow me on Instagram and Whatsapp: 7065637638 (Ye kisi Ladki ka number nahi hai 😀 :P) for questions and complaints.

Comments

comments

8 Comments

  1. Aj

    Kya bolu samaj nahi ara hai…
    Dekhiye suman aapki kahani padke bahoth bura laga aapke saat bahoth bura ho chuka hai….
    Aap move on nahi kar pa rahe hai …mushkil hota hai ye sb karna but na mumkin nahi hai…aap zaroor move on karlenge….humey nahi patha ki aap agae kya kare kis chez pe focus kare …suman bahoth isae cheeze hoti hai jiske barae me humey nahi patha hota…aapme b kuch talent hoga …aap uss talent to pehchaniye ….aur life me agae badiye….
    Aur ye kya bol rahe hai ki suicide karunga ye galat hai isa karke kuch ni milega …be strong
    Hum aapke liye dua karenge…
    Aapke saat sb Acha hoga dnt wry…
    Kuch galat boldiya tho sry

    Reply
  2. Sharon

    Hey ..apki story pad k I feel really bad..apke sath Jo hua vo acha ni tha..but Hume life ek e bar milti hai….bhgwan be opportunity di h ..ki him kch na kch contribute kre is world m..apko apni study continue krni chaiye..bcoz family support ni krti then apko sath m job krni chaiye part time and situation improve hone PR eyes ka illaz krwana chaiye..suicide is worst decision..dunia m koi kisi ka ni ota him Jo b krte hai vo humare liye e oga…suicide we log 10 don’t royege for bhul jayege ..history bn k reh jayege..love humesha jruri ni ota..life ek love relationship she bhut bdi h…

    Reply
  3. Suhana

    Baapre……. Itni lambi 😂😂

    Reply
  4. zanny

    Sorry sumn pdh k bht bura laga BT suicide koi hl nhi h kisi bhi problem ka so keep fighting for ur life nd happyness every thing will be fine soon nd if u want any help so and me ur number I will defiantly contact u nd hopefulli help u BT plz don’t harm ur self its a request.

    Reply
  5. zanny

    #sand

    Reply
  6. Nashrin

    omgggggggggg ye sb padh k lgta hai
    meri tnsn to Kuch hai hi nhi eske samne
    wallah
    listen marne suside ka q sochna
    zindagi mili hai to usko khusi se jiyo na ki ye sb soch k..wo sb thk krega…don’t worry….
    n plzz stay happy
    agr u yha aao to reply krna muje Kuch baat krni…tb tk be happy 😊

    Reply
  7. Satyam

    Amazing

    Reply

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